Inspiration

This morning at the gym I was paging through a local magazine and its cover story on "Chicago's Most Beautiful People." The list included flattering blurbs and photo spreads on local and national celebrities (singer/actress Jennifer Hudson) and a variety of charming local executives, entrepreneurs and socialites. I'm always drawn to these articles (see also: Crain's Chicago Business' annual "40 Under 40" list) but somehow always feel a little less impressed with myself after reading them.

Where, I ask you, is the list of people whose utter lack of ambition, fabulous hair and good shoes might make the rest of us feel better about our wonderful but not-very-exciting lives? I need a cover story like this:

"Sad Sacks and Jerkfaces: Chicagoans You Wouldn't Want to Be"

Gary Schmelz Unemployed since well before the recession hit, Schmelz lives in his younger sister's basement and sleeps on a futon he's owned since his first and only semester at Eastern Illinois University. Recent projects include a run at beating his personal best on Missile Command on his parent's circa-1980 Atari system he inherited when they moved to Florida.

Linda Peterson Thrice-divorced Peterson, 58, is the unpleasant woman behind the counter at the DMV. She says the best part of her job, which she has held for two months, is seeing the frustration rise in her fellow citizens as they try to navigate the Secretary of State's system. Currently she is yelling at her neighbor's kids for standing on the sidewalk in front of her house.

Jeff Barkowitz Since getting a taste of fame as a cast member of the reality show "Mr. Personality" (in which the female contestant was tasked with choosing her mate from among mask-wearing men, basing her decision solely on their - you guessed it - personality!), 42-year-old Barkowitz has left his full-time bartending job behind and spends his days applying to appear on every other reality show in development in search of his 15 minutes of fame.

Now that kind of list would inspire me to work a little harder at life.