Ten Worst Movies I Actually Paid to See in the Theater

I'm flipping through channels on our "basic cable" TV upstairs and came across VH1's airing of "The Bodyguard." I'm embarrassed to calculate in what year this movie came out, because I'm pretty sure I saw it in the theater. Somehow saying I rented it sounds much less lame. Actually the fact that I've not turned the channel yet is mortifying.


It's lameness got me thinking about other movies I've paid to see. Most were the result of a friend's or boyfriend's interest: "Okay, we'll see Waterworld if you really want to. I thought Dances with Wolves was pretty good..." (For the record, Kevin Costner should have quit at Bull Durham.) So here goes, in no particular order (and yet I felt the need to "countdown"):


10. Coffee and Cigarettes. I read a review of this movie, a series of vignettes directed by Jim Jarmusch, whom I'd never heard of, and you'd have thought it would have changed my life. Unfortunately I just didn't understand or appreciate the dialogue. Two of the three people I went with fell asleep halfway through.

9. She-Devil. In my defense, I walked out of this so-called comedy about 35 minutes into it.

8. Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. A friend's mom offered to drive us, and in 4th grade, we'd do anything for a ride to the mall. Remarkably, one did not have to see the original Breakin' to follow the plot of its sequel.

7. New Jack City. No idea why I was remotely interested in seeing this. I do know it was the first time I experienced how some black audiences enjoy yelling at the movie screen as if Wesley Snipes can hear them.

6. Sex and the City: The Movie. Way too much shrieking and, really, way too much celebration of high-end fashion - the bridal gown montage was beyond irritating. I could write a whole entry about why this movie wasn't necessary. And now there's a sequel in the works! Eeeeeek!

5. Waterworld. At least it prevented me from seeing The Postman.

4. Adventures in Babysitting. Alright, I probably thought it was an okay movie when I was in 7th grade, but I recently came across it on cable and it is not okay. Not at all. The opening credits made me sad for Elisabeth Shue.

3. Con-Air. I don't remember who talked me into seeing this, but I know I've never regained whatever shred of respect I had for Nicholas Cage.

2. Hudson Hawk. I've literally blocked this entire movie from memory.

1. Fresh Horses. Again, don't remember the plot of this one, but I do remember leaving the theater thinking, "Just because a movie stars Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy, doesn't mean it's a John Hughes project." Lesson learned; always consider who wrote and directed it; actors are just there for the paycheck.