Why I don't wear eyeliner

Every few years, I let a department store cosmetics counter employee talk me into letting him or her do my eye makeup. I've only allowed this at certain counters, since the older I get the more settled I get on certain brands. I don't wear much makeup, but I like to think the makeup I do wear is not completely unflattering.

Having worn contacts since I was 12, I have resisted wearing a lot of eye makeup. It's just too messy when my contact gets out of whack and I end up rubbing my eye and smudging everything. But there's another reason. Once, I made the mistake of letting a woman at a MAC counter go to town on my eyes. I came out looking like Alexis Bledel here, who, like me, has dark hair, fair skin and blue eyes. I'm not saying I look like an actress, just that we have the same color combo going on.

Problem is, her eyes are so overpowered by the dark eyeliner that she resembles another figure from the world of entertainment (circa 1948):

Dear God, where are her eyeballs? I may print these images out and keep them in my wallet for the next time a Nordstrom employee tries to tell me my eyes would look so cool with red eyeshadow and about a half-pencil's worth of eyeliner. No, it's not cool, it's frightening.