Quest for a Rocking Chair

The question Brian and I get most these days is, "So, do you have the baby's room all ready?" In short, sort of. We've ordered the crib, the walls are painted, and we found a decent dresser for a good price. Now we are trying to find a rocking chair that will fit in the 9' x 9' room. Basic wooden rocking chairs are evidently not popular anymore. Instead stores are selling a lot of big upholstered chairs that happen to rock. I'd much prefer one of those, as they look really, really comfortable, but they also look really, really big and are more expensive than a standard rocker.

As a last resort, I've checked Craigslist. I'm starting to understand why my favorite stores don't sell wooden rocking chairs. Because wooden rocking chairs remind people of these two women:

Granny Clampett

or...

Mrs. Bates

Are rocking chairs really hillbilly? Or just downright creepy? Judging from what I've found on Craigslist, they can be one of many things:

Historically Scary

This one makes me think of a scary old Confederate wife who was mean to her grandchildren in the 1950s. Isn't this the chair Scarlett O'Hara's father sat in when he was going insane in the middle third of Gone With the Wind?

Crime Scene Scary

Are those streaks of blood? Who would give a chair a distressed finish with red on white other than a sociopath? I do not care to visit this person's home to check out this bloodstained chair in person.

Smelly Scary

I can smell this one from here. Okay, so this isn't wooden, but it is faded, misshapen and looks like someone's Great Aunt Faye put a lot of TV watching years into it, alongside her many cats. Who may or may not have peed on it. This chair's owner wants $120 for it.

Okay, so maybe we don't buy a used rocking chair on Craigslist after all. The charming antique piece I was envisioning is apparently still in someone's grandma's house waiting for her to pass on so her offspring can make a quick 50 bucks off of it. And maybe, if I keep looking, we can find a new wooden chair that won't make me think of the final scenes of Psycho or make me want to tie it to the top of our car for our next road trip.

Walter Cronkite is Rolling Over in His Grave

Despite my promise to myself a few weeks ago -- in the middle of the Michael Jackson Memorial Circus -- to boycott morning news shows, I found myself watching the "Today Show" just now. (Morning radio is sometimes not enough for me, news wise, and sometimes, like the elderly who live alone, I just want some "background noise.")


I think I might have to turn off the TV again. Matt Lauer just did a 3-minute segment on whether or not it was appropriate for Michelle Obama to have worn shorts when she and her family visited the Grand Canyon. Mid-thigh shorts. Not hot pants. Not cutoffs. In Matt's defense, he prefaced the story by acknowledging that it seemed a little crazy, then went on to discuss how much media coverage it received. Gee, Matt, it's too bad you aren't in a position to not feed into this ridiculousness by covering something that actually matters. Then again, he is just the face and voice, not the producer.


Just when I started to talk myself into the idea of the story not being so ridiculous -- "Today" was more focused on the media backlash and public reaction of the shorts being worn than the appropriateness of the shorts, after all -- Matt did a teaser for the next story:


"Up next, Nora the piano-playing cat, a You Tube sensation, will play for us live in the studio!"


And now my TV is off. Even Nora the Cat, pictured here, seems to be asking, "Are you f-ing kidding me?"

Why I don't wear eyeliner

Every few years, I let a department store cosmetics counter employee talk me into letting him or her do my eye makeup. I've only allowed this at certain counters, since the older I get the more settled I get on certain brands. I don't wear much makeup, but I like to think the makeup I do wear is not completely unflattering.

Having worn contacts since I was 12, I have resisted wearing a lot of eye makeup. It's just too messy when my contact gets out of whack and I end up rubbing my eye and smudging everything. But there's another reason. Once, I made the mistake of letting a woman at a MAC counter go to town on my eyes. I came out looking like Alexis Bledel here, who, like me, has dark hair, fair skin and blue eyes. I'm not saying I look like an actress, just that we have the same color combo going on.

Problem is, her eyes are so overpowered by the dark eyeliner that she resembles another figure from the world of entertainment (circa 1948):

Dear God, where are her eyeballs? I may print these images out and keep them in my wallet for the next time a Nordstrom employee tries to tell me my eyes would look so cool with red eyeshadow and about a half-pencil's worth of eyeliner. No, it's not cool, it's frightening.

This is how much free time I have.

I just MadMen'ed myself.

It's also a sign of how excited I am that season three of my favorite show premieres this Sunday, August 16.

John Hughes

A few months ago I posted a time-sucking Facebook poll listing "5 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over." I didn't think about it at the time, but two of the five were written and directed by John Hughes ("Planes, Trains & Automobiles" and "Uncle Buck"). After reading some articles about him in this morning's Tribune, I also learned he wrote the screenplays for "Mr. Mom" and "Vacation" - two movies I will never pass up if I catch them on cable. Hughes was only 59 when he died yesterday, and from what I've read he started to shy away from the business after writing "Curly Sue" in 1992 (can't say that I blame him, though I didn't see the movie) and it flopped. He spent the last part of his life living on a farm in Harvard, Ill., about 30 miles from where I live now (actually the last stop on my commuter train line).

Fortunately, he'll be remembered more for "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "The Breakfast Club" and all the other movies that spoke to and represented teenagers in the '80s so well. His John Candy and Chevy Chase comedies are absolutely timeless. It's interesting that he quit when he did, maybe realizing he'd already peaked (or, from what I've read, just tired of the Holly wood machine). Regardless, I'm grateful for his movies and their place in my life; I don't know of a director or screenwriter today who would offer so much to young audiences and people who appreciate good comedy.

Random Thoughts

Or: Things that I've been asking myself lately that don't warrant an entire blog entry because they are evidence of the abundance of time I have on my hands lately:

Victoria Beckham is going to be a guest host on American Idol. Did I really need another reason not to watch that show?

Why is Amy Adams' haircut so bad in the upcoming movie Julie & Julia? I've seen photos of the real Julie Powell -- her hair is not that bad.

Why did I agree to let Brian put our 8-foot handrail, awaiting installation, on the floor in the basement in my path to the laundry room? I'm pretty sure I jammed my toe this morning.

Am I just anti-people lately, or was the woman next to me in yoga really mean and annoyingly bossy? We did four different "partner" poses and I really got tired of her telling me what to do.

Why is it so hard for the Chicago Tribune to publish one issue without at least three glaring errors? Today's paper includes a quote that uses "they're" instead of "their." I know they're short staffed these days, but come on...

Why does mediocre actress Jennifer Aniston have a successful career making mediocre movies? I'm sure there are plenty of great, undiscovered actresses out there whose hair is just as well conditioned. Can we have a little variety, please, Hollywood?