Questions About the Grammys

It never fails. Every year, I watch the Grammys and wind up both embarrassed for my favorite performers for being there, and infuriated at the music industry for complaining about how no one buys music anymore despite the fact that they honor people like Katy Perry with multiple nominations. And really, song of the year, the top songwriting award, to someone who came up with this lyric:

"It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now..."

Literally, a drunk person could have penned that!

Twelve hours after the broadcast (the end of which I

couldn't even bring
myself to watch, even though, thank God, Arcade Fire won best album), I still have these questions running through my head, particularly after subjecting myself to E!'s red carpet coverage:

1) Why does everything Katy Perry wears look like a bra? It's like she taught herself to sew, but only owns one pattern. I picture her closet full of nothing but sequined, satin bras with thick straps and hot pants.

2) Why oh why is Kim Kardashian at all the award shows? She is neither an actor (I'm talking to you, SAG Awards producers) nor a singer. She barely has a personality.

3) Why is it that singers who try acting are often intriguing (see: Dwight Yoakam in "Sling Blade" or even Tim McGraw in "Friday Night Lights") but actors who sing are ridiculously egotistical and usually annoying (see: Bruce Willis circa 1987). Gwyneth Paltrow's duet with Cee Lo Green was five minutes of too much Gwyneth Paltrow. She already sang her movie's song at the Country Music Awards, do we really have to indulge her again? I guess we do, because she's slated to sing at the Oscars in two weeks. God help me.

4) At what point will Lady Gaga's antics be interpreted not as "art" but as desperate pleas for attention?

5) How mortified were the members of Kings of Leon to be presenting with Miley Cyrus?

And, on a positive note:

6) Where did that guy from Mumford & Sons learn to play the banjo like that? I did buy their album last fall and I love their music and, unlike pretty much every other performance I saw, now I really want to see them live. (I didn't quite get what all the shouting was about during "Maggie's Farm," however. Were they short on microphones?)

Oh well, at least they didn't let Taylor Swift sing.