Thursday, July 28, 2011

City[-adjacent] Mouse


It's official. I know now why I could never live any further west or north of where we are currently. Our suburb borders the City of Chicago, so most of our streets follow the city's well-planned and reasonably well-executed grid. (Thank you, Daniel Burnham and your cohorts in the Plan of Chicago, even if not all your ideas were put into place.) Go a couple of suburbs out, however, and you'll find yourself in the land of sprawl.

I worked for a Los Angeles-based organization for about eight years, and while I appreciated their weather, I didn't appreciate how spread out everything was. You have to take the expressway everywhere, it seemed. And when you got off the expressway, you had to drive a mile between stoplights. And God forbid you miss your turn, because you'll have to drive another mile before you can even think of making a u-turn, legal or otherwise.

Evidently, the people who planned the greater Los Angeles area are now working for the suburbs of Chicago.

Today I had to drop off a form at our pediatrician's office. Rather than go into the north side Chicago office, where we usually go for appointments, I thought -- heh heh -- it would be faster to go to the north suburban location. Same amount of miles, yet ten times the frustration. It didn't help that the doctor's office had moved, and hadn't updated their information on their voicemail greeting to indicate the new office location, so I had to not only go to the old office in the middle of a random corporate park, take the toddler out of the car seat, go into the building, find the right suite, THEN see the sign on the door with the map to the new office. [Insert muttered cursing here.] Then I had to drive another ten minutes to get, I kid you not, less than a mile, because of the winding roads of this corporate park and the corporate park in which the new (albeit lovely) office is located.

If I'd just stuck to my usual route and gone to the Lincoln Park office, I'd have been there in 20 minutes, including the time it takes to park. It's not that I didn't know where the suburban office was, in fact I could have given driving directions to anyone else, even drawn them a tidy little map of the route. It was the sprawl, the damned suburban sprawl, that got me. Give me a grid, hell, even throw in an angled street now and then, any day. I don't care how small our house has to be in order to afford to live in our city-adjacent suburb. I am clearly a city-adjacent mouse.

Open Letter to Lady Gaga

Dear Lady Gaga,

You're on the edge of glory, huh? Did you steal those lyrics out of Jon Bon Jovi's eighth grade diary, or did he actually sell them to you?

...Out on the edge of glory
And I'm hangin' on a moment with you.

I could go on, but, oh boy.

Sincerely,
Me

Friday, July 22, 2011

Add Her to My List of Likable Celebrities

I know virtually nothing about Olivia Wilde, other than the fact that she chose her stage name based on one of her favorite writers, Oscar Wilde. (I don't know why I remember reading that in an interview years ago.) But I do know I like what she has to say about celebrity culture in the current issue of Marie Claire:

“I’d like to refocus everyone’s attention away from the Kardashians and onto Doctors Without Borders or aid workers," the star says in the August issue of Marie Claire. "Let’s redefine scandal. Scandal is not who so-and-so is dating; scandal is the fact that 1.2 million people are still living in tents in Haiti, and cholera is rampant because Nepalese U.N. soldiers dumped s-it from their Porta-Potties into the river. That’s a f-cking scandal. If the average 15-year-old was hearing about that instead of so-and-so’s plastic surgery or cheating in Hollywood, I’d feel better about our future.”

I heard about this so-called "dis" (are we still using that word?) of the Kardashians -- whose collective fame and inexplicable wealth drive me batty -- while watching "Access Hollywood" the other night. (Full disclosure: I watch NBC Nightly News whenever I remember to turn it on, and I'd left the TV on while cooking dinner. And, okay, I didn't lunge for the remote to turn it off when this show started.) They reported on this story and even interviewed Wilde and let her explain herself further. Then they cut back to host Billy Bush in studio, who rambles something about how important those causes are, then drops the teaser about the next story, "Coming up, what starlet chopped off all her hair?!" Dude's gotta earn a living, right?

Well, at least they gave her a chance to further drive home her point.